A little soul searching

Well here I am doing my routine rummaging of my mind when I stumble upon my usual depressing thoughts which I normally feel sad about for a while and move on but today, I actually tried to find the source of these thoughts and just find myself even sadder because the reason I occasionally get depressed is due to my severe lack of focus and general nonchalant attitude towards things that are important to me and while this has cost me a lot of things in the past I still find myself even today still going by this self destructive attitude and honestly don’t even understand why I do this to myself. I claim I want to be a poet but have a serious lack of passion and I’m generally not doing anything to better myself as a lyricist, I just laze about and waste my time acting like a classic sleeping giant(see https://theecstaticflash.com/2016/08/02/on-doing-and-everythingness/) instead of the stirring dwarf  that would obviously bring me a lot of peace because I realize my writing is directly linked to me being and with how horrible I’ve been lately mainly due to a lack of release in word form and also that it’s linked with my relationship with God which has not been the best for a while now that being a contributing factor to my depression but after listening to some music though I’m still depressed, there’s now a ray of hope that even though I feel like I’ll be like this the rest of my life I know that someway somehow(God will be involved) I will get to where I want to.